More Weight Loss...Finally Something Positive!

It's been a very trying week for us and it's only Wednesday.  I hope the rest of the week goes much better because I'm not sure what I'll do if it doesn't.

My husband interviewed for a new job that he didn't get.  The dreams of more money and a better life just slipped through our fingers like sand.  Bills are piling up and Nate hasn't been allowed to go back to work yet.  The help we applied for was approved but hasn't arrived yet.  Things have been looking bad, then worse, then desperate.  I descended into a funk that slowly snowballed into a deep depression I couldn't seem to shake.  Hope was very far away.

I'm thankful for wonderful friends who won't let me forget that they love me and God loves me and that I haven't been forsaken.  I won't be left alone.  There is hope still alive yet.  It's just hard to see it through all the muck and nastiness of our circumstances right now.

So I decided to skip breakfast (that's what I do to have some kind of control of my life.  I decide if I'm going to eat or not and most of the time choose not when I'm in the kind of depression I was in this morning.  I'm not saying it's right, it just is sometimes.  I did eat though, partially thanks to my wonderful husband and partially thanks to a couple of wonderful friends) and before I finally ate, I decided to weigh myself.

I'm 310 pounds.  What do you know?

I haven't been exercising.  I've been eating horribly crappy food (can we say chocolate and cheesecake?) and I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  But somehow I went from 317 pounds a couple weeks ago to 310 now.  That means I've lost a total of 15 pounds in two months!

I've lost about 4% of my body weight and I have 11 pounds to lose before I'll hit 299, my short term goal.  I just might be able to get pregnant naturally once I get to 299 pounds.  I wasn't much heavier or lighter than that when 2.0 came along...

I walked 2.4 miles today and I'm going to work harder to get my walking in.  The quicker this weight comes off, the quicker I hit my goal.

Finally I have something positive!

Attachment Parenting For The Rest Of Us Part 2: Medical Intervention

By now I'm sure that you are aware that my son has asthma.  It's just part of our life now.  I'm also very confident that you are aware of my difficulty conceiving and the complicated pregnancy I had, as well as the circumstances surrounding 2.0's birth.  That being said, I'll keep the back story part of this post short and sweet.

I have PCOS.  This means I have trouble conceiving because I don't ovulate.  I also have trouble losing weight and run a higher risk of type II diabetes.  Nate and I tried for 5 years (no I'm not joking) to have a child, completely unsuccessful until 2010.  Hello little 2.0!

Now becoming pregnant was hard.  Being pregnant was hard too.  I had pregnancy induced hypertension (high blood pressure due to pregnancy) and gestational diabetes.  I went into labor two weeks early and continued to have gradually intensifying contractions until my water finally broke the night before my induction.  When 2.0 was born, he was jaundiced (yellow because his liver was taking a little longer to process toxins in his blood) and he had low blood sugar (a side effect of my gestational diabetes).  His birth was rather easy (the labor was difficult, but the birth was smooth) and we both recovered quickly.

That all being said, without medical intervention, I'm not sure both of us would be here.  I was put on pitocin when my water broke so I would continue to contract.  I was given an epidural partially because it helps lower high blood pressure during delivery.  I was placed on oxygen during 2.0's delivery because the cord was wrapped around his neck.  During my pregnancy, I was put on blood pressure medication because of how high my blood pressure was.  

Attachment parenting talks about the need to limit medical intervention during labor and delivery and afterward for the child.  This I do not agree with and felt it needed to be addressed in a separate post.  I watched my son try to breathe in the middle of the night before his asthma was diagnosed and treated.  It's the worst feeling in the world to see your child struggle to breathe and know there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.  

Sometimes the medical interventions we think might be unnecessary are really for the benefit of us or our children.  God created doctors and nurses to help care for our children (not to mention us) and keep them as healthy as possible.  Now I don't always agree with my son's pediatrician.  He told me to let my son cry and eventually he'd learn to go to sleep on his own.  I strongly disagreed with that and did not follow that advice.  

We need to use our intuition to help determine if our children need to see the doctor.  But at the same time, we need to do what's best for our kids, even when we think they don't need to see the doctor and in fact, they might benefit from someone who went to medical school.  

Did you know SIDS deaths went down partially because doctors and other medical professionals started listening to mothers when they said 'something was off' about their child?  We are more powerful than we know, we just need to be ready to get help when it's needed, even when we might doubt if it's necessary or not.  

Attachment Parenting For The Rest Of Us

I'll be the first to admit that when I first heard of attachment parenting, I wondered if people who practice it are crazy.

I mean come on...who has the time or the money or the patience to devote themselves 100% to their children?  That's not an easy thing to do and most of us are not that selfless.  We tell ourselves we are, but in reality we fall short of that standard.

When I pictured parents who practiced attachment parenting, I saw a woman who uses cloth diapers on her kids and carries them in a wrap or a sling, only uses organic food that she then purees herself while dressing her little darling in organic fibers, and makes sure that her child sleeps in the bed with her so she can dream feed without getting up out of bed.  Some of this is true while most of it is not.

Apparently I've been practicing attachment parenting in some ways without even knowing it.

I'm reading Beyond the Sling by Mayim Bialik (yes she was Blossom once upon a time and you can now see her as Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory), a book in which she talks about attachment parenting and what it really is.  I got the book from the library because I wanted something to read that would make me laugh.  Instead it's really making me think.

Nate and I like to be the primary caregivers for our son.  When he was smaller, we wore him in a carrier.  I don't like co-sleeping (the risk of smothering your child while you sleep rubs me the wrong way), but when he would cry at night, I was right there to soothe and comfort him.  Sometimes that meant being up four or five times in the night (sometimes it still does), but that was part of being a parent and I hadn't been told differently.  I breastfed and used pacifiers and when my milk dried up prematurely, I used formula until 2.0 was a year old, when he was switched to whole milk.  I use disposable diapers and I didn't make my own baby food (I really wanted to, but there just wasn't the time or the resources for it in this household).  I try to respond to my child positively, but when he does something wrong, I'm not opposed to spanking (in fact, we use that quite frequently in this house right now).  When I spank, I explain to my son the reason for the punishment (I know he can't understand me, but at this point it's more practice for me so that when he can understand, I'll do it without thinking).

This is a form of attachment parenting.

I don't like daycare, but I'm not going to bash those who use daycare.  I don't like having someone else babysit for me on a regular basis.  If someone else is with my child, I'd rather it be his father or someone he is biologically related to.  If that's not an option, then I want the caregiver to be someone he is very familiar with (Thank God we have an extended church family that 2.0 is very familiar with).  I held him as an infant all the time, even when I was told that 'holding him too much would spoil him'.  You can't spoil a baby.  It's not possible.  Even at 16 months of age, he's not capable of sociopathic manipulation to get what he wants all the time.

So before you start thinking that attachment parenting means you have to breastfeed until your child is 10 or that you can't sleep in your own bed sans child, read Beyond the Sling and check out this resource for attachment parents.  You don't have to do everything they do to care for your child this way.  Just think outside the box a little bit.

Well Darn It All...

I gained four pounds back.  Sure that isn't a lot, but it's a gain instead of a loss.  One step backward after taking two forward.  It's not a big deal, but it's very frustrating.

I know why it happened and I can only blame myself.  While 2.0 was sick and not sleeping, I was exhausted.  What happens when you're exhausted?  You eat and you eat lots of carbs.  Bad carbs.  Carbs like sugar and ice cream and brownies and pizza.  Lots and lots of pizza.  I think that was my favorite food last week.  Mexican pizza and this smokehouse thing from Walmart that had Canadian bacon and gouda cheese on it...I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it now.

So this week I've started walking again (or trying to anyway) and I'm watching my diet again.  That's getting harder to do this week because I don't really want to eat.  The only things I want to eat are sweet.  Chocolate and cheesecake kinds of sweet that are really bad for me.  When I try to eat anything else, I'm sick to my stomach.  The best thing I had this week was Super Blueberry Cheesecake ice cream from Whitey's.  Talk about satisfying...yum!

This eating pattern can't continue and I know it.  I need to back to eating my fruits and veggies and eating chicken instead of sausage and greasy hamburger.  I need to get back into my fitness routine and stop making excuses for why I'm not going.

The longer I put it off, the longer it'll take to get my body back and the longer it'll take to get pregnant again someday.  So I need to look at my weight gain (darn it all!) as the catalyst for getting my rear end off this couch and go back to walking seriously.

Holy Fire Batman!

In 2008, Nate's parents' house caught on fire.  I've never been in a situation like that before, looking at the blackened charred bones of the house you loved.  When we arrived on the scene back then, I was shocked at how destructive the fire had been and it was only the garage that burned and the rest of the house was smoke and water damaged.  It was horrible to witness the destruction it wreaked on the lives of Nate's family.

Yesterday, another fire burned closer to home.  The picture to the right is the apartment building behind ours and down the street.  That picture doesn't even do it justice.  The entire back of the building is gutted.  It still smells like an arts and crafts room at summer camp outside (when I went to summer camp, we did woodburning as a craft).  The siding is melted and there's bright pink insulation hanging from the hole in the roof.  It was really bad yesterday.

Nate and I felt like bad neighbors because we didn't even know something had happened until our power went out while I was cooking dinner.  I was so upset because of all the things I didn't need, the power going out was one of them.  2.0 has asthma and if he gets too hot, he has trouble breathing.  Without electricity, my air conditioner wasn't running and I had no way to get a breathing treatment to him if he started having trouble because the nebulizer is powered by electricity.  Talk about a bummer!

Then Nate went outside and said there was a fire.  I'm thinking 'oh great, someone couldn't control their grill and part of the lawn is on fire.  What does that have to do with my power?'.  But he told me to come outside really quick and see it because it's really big.

Firetrucks outside the front of the building

When I went outside with 2.0 in his stroller (he was a giggling fool at the sight of the lit up firetrucks and the firemen in their gear), I was surprised at first by the amount of people who live here.  I didn't know I had so many neighbors.  I also didn't know how nice they are.  As we walked, people were saying hi and waving at 2.0 as they stopped to pet Coco.  I was also surprised by the genuine concern they all had for the people who live in the building that caught fire.

Then I saw the devastation.  I've never imagined something like that could happen in this neighborhood.  Suddenly renter's insurance sounded better and better...

The fire department arrived very quickly and we had three engines trying to control the flames.  The police department also responded quickly, along with the Scott County Sheriff's office.  But one stupid woman drove her car down the road, looking at the flashing lights of the fire truck blocking off the road with hoses everywhere, and rolled down her window, cursing at the firemen running around for blocking her way.  She stopped within inches of the back of the fire truck, making five firemen and one Davenport police officer stop what they were doing to deal with her.  I've never heard a police officer yell at someone before in person (I've seen it on TV of course), but this officer was yelling at that woman, asking her what did she think she was doing and why didn't she stop when she saw the lights on the fire truck?  I wish I'd taken a picture of that.

I'm also very thankful that my family wasn't impacted more than losing our power for an hour.  We spent most of that time outside, staying out of the way of the firemen and police trying to handle the situation, telling 2.0 what was going on and who those people were, and talking to our neighbors.  Thank God we were safe, that the people in the building were all able to get out safely, and that the fire department was so quick to get here.  It could've been so much worse than it was.

Happy Father's Day

24 hours old

I love Father's Day!  It has so much meaning for me since I wasn't able to celebrate this particular holiday for a very long time.  After my own father died, I felt this void in my life and it was very empty on Father's Day.  I didn't want that same thing for my husband and when 2.0 was born, I couldn't wait for my husband's first Father's Day.

Last year, I found a shirt that said 'New Dad 2011' on it, so that was the biggest present of the day.  I honestly can't remember what we did the rest of the day last year.  I hope it was good...

The world looks different up here!

This year was a little different.  2.0 is now more aware of what's going on around him and he's definitely more attached to his daddy than he was a year ago.  He walks around saying "Dada Dada Dada" all the time and he enjoys his father's presence more than he did before.  Nate plays with him more and they spend a lot of time laughing and acting like crazy people.

I think 2.0 looks at his father as a hero now.  I think he sees his daddy as his protector and his playmate.  They have a lot of fun together now that they didn't have before.

They spend a lot more time together now than they did before.  I think part of that is because Nate works full time outside the home and I'm here all the time.  2.0 knows when it's time to get Daddy from work because when I leave to pick Nate up, 2.0 is saying "Dada" the whole way there and giggles the whole way home.

They had a long night...

This year, I wanted Nate to have something special.  He got another t-shirt for Father's Day (I think it's a new tradition) and he got a photo book of time he's spent with his son.  He got a SuperDad coffee mug and new headphones (with a mic) for his phone.  He got biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  He also was the one who got up most of the night last night so I could sleep.  He's the one who changed dirty diapers during the night and prepared bottles for 2.0 this morning.

The Warrior

Daddy protects me!

So THAT'S MacGyver!

They've been to the park together. They've watched MacGyver together.  In fact, they do just about everything together.  2.0 has an awesome daddy indeed!

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.  We couldn't do it without you!

Hand, Foot, and Mouth Along With Other Problems

About three weeks ago, the local news talked about an outbreak of hand, foot, and mouth disease in the Quad Cities.  A friend of mine from high school has a little boy who just had this condition twice and she's put up a lot of information about it on facebook, so I knew from her experience that it's not a fun thing to have.  It also spreads like wildfire since it's extremely contagious, so I've been trying to shelter my son from other kids for awhile now.

It didn't work.

2.0 developed a small sore on his chin Saturday night, a fever on Sunday night, and lost his appetite on Monday.  He stopped sleeping Tuesday night and on Thursday, the sore on his chin turned into five under his lip, five along the edge of his tongue, and apparently more in the back of his throat and at the back of his mouth (according to the doctor).  We officially were diagnosed with Hand, Foot, and Mouth.  Lovely.

Add to that the fact that my husband's employer won't let him go back to work until next week and we've got problems.

Stress, stress, stress.  There's just more and more of it.  Last week it was the van, this week it's a sick kid.  Next week it'll be something else.

The nice thing about this whole mess is that 2.0 isn't sick with something worse.  He's going to be fine in a few more days and with all the ibuprofen and tylenol he's ingesting, the pain is not so bad.  He's sleeping better and he's trying to eat regular food instead of pediasure.  We're making progress.

Plus, my husband is interviewing for a new job.  A job that will change our lives for the better.

I'm trying to have a positive outlook on everything.  It's hard when you're only sleeping four hours a night (not all at once) and housework is piling up because you don't have the energy to do it all.  But it's going to work out.

15 Month Check Up

2.0 had his 15 month check up today.  All went very well.

Dr. Omar has moved his practice to a new office, which is great for me because it's closer than the old office was.  Instead of driving about fifteen to twenty minutes to get to the doctor (depending on traffic), now I drive about ten minutes and there we are.  Plus the office is bigger and they have an aquarium in the waiting room.  Talk about making 2.0's day.  :)  The only things I didn't like about the new office was the waiting time to see the doctor doubled.  Since he now has a larger practice, he's seeing more kids and that means I have to wait with my little one.  Plus, a new nurse practitioner was added to the practice and the office staff is pushing for all the patients to make appointments with her instead of the actual doctor.  I don't mind that, but I didn't like being pushed into it.  Overall, I still love our doctor, his nurse practitioners, and staff.

2.0 has lost about half a pound (he's 23 lb 10 oz) and he's almost 32 inches tall.  That means he's in the 45 percentile for weight (where he's been his entire life) and the 70th percentile for his height.  He's tall and skinny. :)  He's meeting his developmental milestones and in some cases, he's exceeding them.  For example, he should be stacking towers of two blocks.  2.0 stacks five.  He also shows more advanced coordination and balance compared to other kids his age.  But his speech is still a little behind (he's a boy, that's normal for boys) and he doesn't use a spoon or fork as well as he should.  Neither one of these bothered Dr. Omar, he said 2.0 is doing wonderful.

We also discussed 2.0's recent diagnosis of asthma.  Tomorrow I'm picking up a medication to help prevent the asthma symptoms and keep 2.0 healthy.  We don't want any further lung damage from steroids.  Dr. Omar and I also determined that 2.0's asthma is triggered by seasonal allergies and weather changes.  What he's allergic to is still an unknown.  We don't think it has anything to do with the dog, but it's possible that he's allergic to mold or pollen or God knows what.  Nate and I both have some seasonal allergy problems.  The really good news is that 2.0 will probably grow out of it.

Then it was time for the shots.  I'm very pro-vaccine.  Without vaccines, we'd still have polio and smallpox.  Vaccines keep kids healthy by preventing deadly disease.  Plus, there are parents out there that don't vaccinate their kids and those kids carry all sorts of things around that I'd rather have my child vaccinated against.  Today 2.0 received the MMR, Hib, and Varicella vaccines.

I wasn't sure about the varicella vaccine just because I had the chicken pox and I was just fine.  I had a pretty severe case of the chicken pox too, and right after serious abdominal surgery (I had an appendectomy when I was five before they did the whole thing with a scope).  When the nurses and the doctor mentioned shingles to me though, we got the shot.  Shingles are awful and I wouldn't want 2.0 to get them later on in life because his mother thought chicken pox were okay.

So far, 2.0 took the vaccines well.  He normally does.  He was cranky (very cranky) today, tired, and achy.  But he's doing great now.  We'll see what happens with this asthma medication and hopefully, we won't see the doctor again until September.