Baby Weight

When I gave birth to my son a year and a half ago, I weighed 311 pounds.  When I went home after giving birth, I weighed 284 pounds.  Most of the weight I put on during my pregnancy was baby, placenta, and fluid.  Before conceiving, I was 277 pounds after a 43 pound weight loss in four months.  When I started, I was 320 pounds.

Fast forward 18 months and I can definitely say that losing your baby weight is hard.  While I was breastfeeding, even a slight drop in calories affected my milk supply first.  When I tried to work out, I found I had a hard time nursing because my milk supply was affected by that too.  What's a new mom to do?  I wanted to lose the weight, but the odds seemed stacked against me.  It didn't take long (with the help of the mirena IUD according to my ob/gyn) to not only gain back everything I'd lost in the hospital, but even more weight.  I ballooned up to 325 pounds before I even knew what had happened.

I'm losing the weight again, slowly but surely.  I'm not taking any supplements like I did before (and how I miss them), choosing to work hard on watching my diet and walking a lot instead.  So far I'm down eighteen pounds (and this was when I weighed myself right before my period, when every woman knows you're retaining about three pounds of water) and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything.

My eating plan works because I don't count calories obsessively.  I'm not paying attention to how many calories I eat in a day.  That takes all the fun out of eating and if eating isn't fun...then why bother eating?  However, before I enjoy a tasty dessert or devour a frozen pizza, I look at what the serving size is and how many calories are in that serving.  Is it really worth ingesting 400 calories for a little slice of cake?  Not really.  I'd rather enjoy those 400 calories somewhere else.  I also look at fat content, sodium content, and sugar content.  Sure, something might only have 200 calories, but if it's got 15 grams of fat, then maybe that's not what I want to eat.  I also cut out most of my pop intake (every now and then it's not a big deal and I do drink some diet pop) and try to drink a lot of water.

On Saturday, I eat what I want.  I don't look at calories or serving sizes or any numbers of any kind on Saturday.  If I want a piece of cake, I eat a piece of cake.  If I want a regular Pepsi, I have a regular Pepsi.  And you know what?  I just might mow through a box of chicken nuggets too.  One day to cheat makes the rest of the week bearable.

I also try to walk all the time.  Are there days I don't get my walk in?  Sure there are.  I am a Mom after all.  But walking means I can take my son with me.  Sometimes it means taking him to the park and chasing after him for half an hour before putting his worn out rear end in the stroller and walking some more.

The main thing I have to remember (every single mom should remember this too) is that I will never have the same body that I had before.  My hips aren't the same, my waist isn't the same, my ribs aren't the same.  I carried another person inside my body for nine months and then pushed him into the world.  There's no way to get the exact same body back after that.  You might get close, but you won't have a carbon copy of it.  I'm actually healthier now than I was before 2.0 was born and I have to remember that too.

Losing the baby weight is important.  Don't get me wrong, I want to have a healthy body that fits into clothes I couldn't fit into before.  But the point is a healthy body.  My hips will always be wide.  My ribcage sits a little wider at the bottom now.  But the important thing is that I'm healthy.  I choose to focus on that instead of the number on the scale.

Home Again

Today my heart was made whole again as my little boy returned home.  The five days he was gone were very long and empty and yet very short and full at the same time.  So much happened that was good and some that was bad.  I'm hoping we can do this again next year (maybe not for quite as long a time though).

2.0 left Tuesday.  Nate and I went to see a movie.  Wednesday we went out for dinner and sat talking for two hours over Chinese food.  We discovered each other again.  Of course then we had to have a disagreement and it made Thursday a little hard.  I think we were both freaking out over the fact that I was leaving Friday for Des Moines.  But we got our act together by the time I left.

Friday and Saturday were magical for me.  I got to bond with my Christian sisters and get some insight into living life more fully.  I loved every second of it and I can't wait to go back next year.  When I got home yesterday evening, I was able to share that with my husband and again we talked until after midnight.

Then today, in the middle of a heavy rain, my son came home.

And of course, the one person he was the most excited to see was the dog.

It's so nice to have everyone home again.  :)

The First Night Away

Last night was 2.0's first night spent away from home.  Well I guess that's not really true.  He's slept in other places besides home.  He's been in a hotel a couple times and we did go to the cabin last summer for a few days.  I guess the correct statement would be that last night was 2.0's first night away from his daddy and me.  

I didn't think I'd break down and sob when he left.  But he wasn't even out of the parking lot behind our apartment building before the tears were running down my face and the sobs choking from my chest.  I waved goodbye to him with trails of wet streaking my cheeks and I watched for my mom's van until it turned the last corner and disappeared from sight.  Then I sobbed some more.  

Coming inside the apartment, I saw his clothes and toys and realized it was silent for the first time.  I sobbed some more.

I went into his bedroom and smoothed the fleecy blanket left in his crib, feeling the cold sheets under my fingers, and I realized he wasn't coming home for awhile.  I trailed my fingers over the top of the rails of the crib and remembered that little fingers wouldn't be curled over those rails for a few days.  The sobbing started again.  

I listened for the sounds of "Mama!  Mommy!" in the living room and felt empty when I only heard silence.  

I got up in the middle of the night and went to check on him (like moms do even when their kids aren't tiny babies anymore) and walked in to that empty crib again.  The sobs weren't as hysterical now, but they were there.  

Then I went back to bed and curled up with my husband and remembered that at least one Nathan was still here.  We went to the movies last night and had a great time.  We're going to dinner tonight to just spend time with each other again.  We're having fun together again without the limits of a toddler demanding our attention.

2.0 might be away right now, but there's still fun to be had.  :)  I'm not going to let myself cry anymore.  

Childlessness

The moment is almost upon us.

Tomorrow 2.0 is leaving to go to Grandma's by himself for the first time.

Also for the first time in a year and a half, I will be childless.

I know there are parents out there that let their children go off without them all the time.  There's daycare and visiting relatives and unavoidable circumstances.  For me, the longest I've been away from my son is about 8 hours.  He's never slept in a place overnight where Mommy and Daddy weren't present.  He's never been cared for by someone else for longer than 8 hours (or so as I'm guesstimating).

This is a necessary part of growing up.  I know that and I'm excited that 2.0 is going to spend time with his grandparents and enjoy being spoiled.  He's going to meet relatives he's never seen before and spend time with his great-grandma (she doesn't know that yet).  I'm going to have time to do things I haven't been able to do.  I'm going to Des Moines for a conference with other women from my church (something I've never been able to do before).  Plus I'll be able to sleep.  Sleep is so good.  :)

In preparation for his departure tomorrow, I'm making lists (because you never know what information you might need when something happens and you have to go to the ER, God forbid), putting clothes together, getting medicine ready (as the allergies that hit me hard a couple days ago are starting to settle in 2.0's lungs and I'm watching for an asthma attack), and putting together activities to keep myself busy until Friday, when I'm going out of town.

I have a book I need to edit, another I need to start writing, yarn set aside for knitting projects, movies I haven't been able to watch because of a lack of kid friendliness.  I have a dog to bathe and an apartment to actually clean without a mass of destruction (aka the toddler) running around behind me, plus goodies to bake to take to the hospital on Sunday (more on that in another blog post).

I'm going to miss my little boy.  But I'm glad he's going to be well taken care of in my absence.

Learning Begins Now

2.0 is just about 18 months old.  I can't believe my little boy has been with us for a year and a half!  So much as changed about him.  He's running and trying to jump and getting into everything.  He's learning how to crawl OVER things and has decided that he likes to take everything out a box (including his makeshift toy box) so that he can sit in it.  He's also discovering that Mommy's knitting bag has things like buttons and scissors in it.

I've noticed that 2.0 doesn't speak as well as we'd like him to.  He says things like "Mommy", "Daddy", "Meemaw", "No", and "Yeah".  Nate and I talk to him, trying to get him to say what we say.  He can make the noises that a cow, a kitty, and a puppy makes.  But he can't tell me that he's holding a ball in his hands or what he wants for lunch.  While that's probably not a surprise (I'm not sure when kids start to say more than what 2.0 currently says), I want him to understand what sounds the letters make.  So we have embraced LeapFrog.

LeapFrog makes DVDs that talk about what the different letters sound like and what words sound like.  It's very interesting to watch 2.0 as he plays while the DVD is playing in the background.  He doesn't sit and watch TV all the time.  Sometimes he does, but normally he plays with his toys or looks at his books.  Today we were watching Letter Factory by LeapFrog and 2.0 was playing while the Y sound was on TV and he repeated it.

Nate and I are going to focus on the letter sounds that 2.0 doesn't know.  Videos might not be the optimal parenting tool, but I don't think there's anything wrong with using them if they help stimulate the child's brain.  I don't rely on them entirely.

Plus 2.0 loves Cookie Monster.

What To Do...

When 2.0 was smaller, he was happy rolling around on the floor and staring at the world around him.  That was awesome because I didn't have to think of activities for him to do.  We could stay home all day long and neither of us were bored.

Then 2.0 started to walk, followed by running, and now he's running out of things to do at home.

Sure we have books and toys and Coco for him to play with.  He likes to chase his furry sister around the apartment, taking her toys and running away with them while she chases after him and tries to steal the toy back.  We play music and dance, stomping our feet and spinning around in circles.  But there's got to be more...

As today as the last family funday Monday, I'm trying to think about what we can do today that would be fun for 2.0 and would wear him out so he'll sleep better at night.  We have two museums that are free today and I wouldn't mind taking him out to either one.  Since it's not raining now and the weather is cooler than it's been in awhile, the park is an option too.  We can play on the swings and feed the ducks and take a stroll.  Of course there's the library as well, but that's only good for a little while.

The wonderful thing is that the library has free passes to museums in the area as well.  But if we go today, I might be able to take 2.0 to see the dinosaurs...that just might be worth it right there.

Misguided Advice

I blame the chlorine for my lack of memory.  How I could forget what happened at Walmart on Sunday is beyond me.

I left my debit card at home Sunday after church, so I had to run the husband and the boy home so 2.0 could take a nap.  That meant I went back to Walmart to buy my groceries alone, a rare treat.  It's so much easier to buy bananas when the little one isn't trying to grab them out of the cart and eat them with the skin on before I can pay for them.

As I'm at the check out, the cashier weighs my bunches of bananas (I had two) and says that I must be happy that they are still $.50 a pound.  I reply that I am happy about that because my little boy loves bananas and eats them all the time.  Now this cashier was an older woman, older than my mom, and I've never seen her before.  I'm fairly certain she doesn't know how old my son is as she's probably never seen him before.

Her retort to my comment was this: "He's not supposed to have more than half a banana a day.  If you keep giving him that many bananas, he'll get fat from the sugar."  My reply was "well, he loves them and I'm not going to take them away."  The cashier then proceeded to process the rest of my groceries without another word and didn't even say 'have a nice day' to me as she handed me the receipt.

I love when people who don't know my child and don't know me that well decide that they know exactly how my child should be raised.  I think that bananas are better than potato chips and chocolate and that not wearing socks isn't that big of a deal.  But don't tell the well meaning crazy women at Aldis that.  A barefoot child is horrible to some of them.

No matter who you are, if you take your child out in public, someone is going to have a comment about how you raise him.  I think that there's something in the female psyche that creates this compulsion to do so.  I try to keep my comments about a parent's style to myself unless asked, but I'm still young.  If I think a child is over- or underdressed for the weather, I keep that comment to myself.  How do I know that the child didn't remove an article of clothing in the car?  My own child is a professional at it.  There are probably tons of lost socks in my van because 2.0 hates socks.

Even in the groups I'm part of on facebook, there are things said that I don't agree with.  I personally wish someone had told me to buy some newborn diapers so I wouldn't have had to go out and buy them four days after my son was born.  When I typed that in the group, I was not only shot down, but ridiculed for it.  But that's information I think a new mom should have and if she asks for it (which she did in this case) that's what I would advise.

I guess the most important thing about misguided advice is that more often than not, the person giving it means well.  I wonder about the motivation of the cashier at Walmart (you don't tell a mom that her child is fat unless the child is REALLY fat), but for the most part it's meant in good faith.  Sometimes you just have to let things go into one ear and out the other.

Separation Anxiety: Countdown To 2.0's Visit At Grandma's House

I'm so very excited about the end of this month.  I get to take a trip with the women of my church to Women of Faith in Des Moines.  From what I heard about last year's trip, it was amazing for the women who got to attend and I can't wait to go this year.  Especially since I'm not breastfeeding...:)

Along with my trip comes another trip though.  2.0 is spending about five or six days with Grandma in Byron, IL.  He's also making a special trip to see his Great Grandma in Mt. Olive and he'll meet his Great Aunt Tonya and Great Uncle Paul for the first time.  It will be so much fun for him and I'm very thankful that my mom wants to spend that much time with 2.0 one on one.

But I've never been away from my son for longer than about ten hours.  And he's going to be gone for days...

I know that he'll be just fine.  He's going to have so much fun with Grandma.  He'll get to play with the dogs and go fishing (maybe) and walk around in the yard picking up sticks with Grandma...they will have a ball.

But Mama won't know what to do with herself when the little one is gone.

Nate and I are already talking about saving some money so we can go see a movie.  I'll also be able to catch up on my housework without an 18 month old running around.  I can actually sit and knit and watch movies I can't watch because 2.0 is here...

I'll miss my little guy, but I'm sure that the time will go by very quickly.  The time leading up to it sure will pass quick.

It's also very entertaining to me that I'm probably going to have more severe separation anxiety than 2.0 will.