The First Night Away

Last night was 2.0's first night spent away from home.  Well I guess that's not really true.  He's slept in other places besides home.  He's been in a hotel a couple times and we did go to the cabin last summer for a few days.  I guess the correct statement would be that last night was 2.0's first night away from his daddy and me.  

I didn't think I'd break down and sob when he left.  But he wasn't even out of the parking lot behind our apartment building before the tears were running down my face and the sobs choking from my chest.  I waved goodbye to him with trails of wet streaking my cheeks and I watched for my mom's van until it turned the last corner and disappeared from sight.  Then I sobbed some more.  

Coming inside the apartment, I saw his clothes and toys and realized it was silent for the first time.  I sobbed some more.

I went into his bedroom and smoothed the fleecy blanket left in his crib, feeling the cold sheets under my fingers, and I realized he wasn't coming home for awhile.  I trailed my fingers over the top of the rails of the crib and remembered that little fingers wouldn't be curled over those rails for a few days.  The sobbing started again.  

I listened for the sounds of "Mama!  Mommy!" in the living room and felt empty when I only heard silence.  

I got up in the middle of the night and went to check on him (like moms do even when their kids aren't tiny babies anymore) and walked in to that empty crib again.  The sobs weren't as hysterical now, but they were there.  

Then I went back to bed and curled up with my husband and remembered that at least one Nathan was still here.  We went to the movies last night and had a great time.  We're going to dinner tonight to just spend time with each other again.  We're having fun together again without the limits of a toddler demanding our attention.

2.0 might be away right now, but there's still fun to be had.  :)  I'm not going to let myself cry anymore.