The Last Of The Firsts

Yesterday was 2.0's first Valentine's day.  It's the last 'first' holiday he'll have.  This is rather sad for me.

He had his first St. Patrick's Day and first Easter.  I celebrated my first Mother's Day and Nate celebrated his first Father's Day.  We had our first 4th of July.  We had an amazing first Thanksgiving and first Christmas.  2.0 got to attend his first New Year's party and saw his first Tournament of Roses parade.  Yesterday was the last of his firsts before his birthday.

It's hard to realize that he's going to be one.  A whole year old.  Where did the time go?  I honestly feel like I blinked and he went from my newborn baby to my toddling little man and I missed it.

Part of this is the fear I have that I'll never have another child.  When you deal with infertility like Nate and I have, it's a real fear.  I think that a lot of moms feel the same way.  'What if this is the only time I get to experience this?' has been the thought I've had over and over since I found out I was pregnant.  I think about the time I had with a tiny baby sleeping in my arms and I miss those days so much.

But then I look at my smiling little giggle face and watch him stand for a few short moments on his own in preparation for his first steps.  I see him attempting to blow kisses at his father.  I sit on the floor with him and we push his ball back and forth on the floor and I laugh as he claps his hands and squeals in excitement.

That tiny baby who would sleep for hours in my arms is gone.  He's been replaced with a little ball of energy that finds the world to be a big place with so many things to see and do.  His last 'first' holiday is over.  But there are so many more holidays to come and so many more milestones in his life to experience.

I'm going to enjoy today with my little boy instead of wishing for my baby boy to come back again.