Thankful Through The Storm

My son has asthma.

Dr. Omar went over it with us when Nate and I took 2.0 in to be checked for pneumonia for the third time in four months.  The way that kids are diagnosed with asthma is they have to have three or more asthmatic episodes in six months.  Normally this happens with colds or changes in the seasons and can only be treated with steroids and albuterol.  We met the third time this morning.

I knew this was coming when I saw the runny nose on Tuesday morning.  I knew deep down in my heart that we were approaching this precipice and once we got there, it was going to be what it was going to be.  Nothing can change it and nothing would be like it was before.

Last night and into this morning, while I held this screaming mess of a kid and tried in vain to soothe him for hours, I was overcome with the goodness of the God I serve.  I prayed for what felt like hours, patting my son's heaving back as he tried to catch his breath.  I prayed that his lungs would open and he would breathe again.  I prayed that the One who breathed life into him almost two years ago would breathe in him now.  When 2.0's breathing went from labored and shallow to deeper and restful, tears ran down my cheeks as I thanked Him for the miracle He was working in my child.

2.0 woke up at 6am screaming again and I did the same as I had done before.  I sat in his rocking chair, patting his back as the skin over his ribs caved in with his effort to breathe.  I prayed for relief, for rest, for it to just stop for this little person who couldn't do anything else to make it better.  Again my prayers were answered and he rested for three more hours.

I have to be strong here.  I have to look into the hurricane coming toward me and be as Jesus was when He faced the storm that the disciples were sure was going to sink the boat they were in.  I have to be calm, to be still, and know that whatever happens, God is going to be there with me in it.  I also need to stop punishing myself for what is happening to my child.  This isn't a punishment for things I've done wrong in my life, it's not punishment for things Nate's done wrong.  This just is.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people because God wants to use it to His glory.

In reality, this isn't that bad.  It's asthma.  Not cancer or cystic fibrosis or muscular dystrophy.  My son is still able to walk and talk and will continue to do so.  He's able to play with other kids and only needs a little bit of medicine to keep him from wheezing in his sleep.  What feels like a hurricane to me would seem like a summer shower to someone else dealing with so much more.

So even though I feel like the wind may shake my house to the ground and even though I'm sure that the storm will sweep me out to a much more perilous sea, I'm thankful.  I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this.  God will be there with me and when I don't think I can keep going, He will give me the strength to keep going on.