Before 2.0 was born, my husband and I decided that we are very pro spanking. We were both spanked and it didn't traumatize either of us emotionally. If it was good enough for us, it would be good enough for our kids.
There are rules for spanking to prevent lasting physical harm to our son. We don't spank him with anything other than an open hand and we never spank while we are angry. We try to be consistent with what behavior gets spanked and what behavior doesn't.
I spanked 2.0 for the first time when he was 9 months old and that was for taking the childproof plug off of an outlet and trying to stick his fingers into it. I didn't spank him hard and I spanked him on his diaper covered rear end. It didn't hurt him and was more of a scare tactic so he would understand that when Mommy says 'don't touch that because it could hurt you', she means it.
Our rules for spanking have changed again now that I have a 2 year old. 2.0 now is trying to assert his independence. He's frustrated and easily irritated by his own inability to do things. This is completely normal for a 2 year old. After all, this age isn't called the 'terrible twos' for nothing. I'm approaching what I spank him for in the same way that I approach his temper tantrums and outbursts.
Nate and I don't like when he starts screaming for no reason. It's completely unacceptable and grating on the nerves, plus it disturbs our neighbors. Screaming in the midst of a tantrum or for no apparent reason gets spanked. Unless...
Just about thirty minutes ago, 2.0 started screaming at me and attempting to shove the plate of lunch in my hand on the floor. This normally would be spanked without question. But this time, he's acting out because he hasn't had his nap yet and he's a very cranky tired little boy. That's what happens when Mommy lets him stay awake for lunch instead of putting him down for a nap before lunch like normal.
I decided not to spank him for this screaming. Instead, I picked him up, sat in the rocking chair, gave him a paci, and rocked him until he went to sleep. I wasn't going to punish a symptom of his fatigue when the problem was so much easier to fix.
If I get mad at my child for expressing frustration and I punish him for that expression when I know what the underlying problem is, I'm not doing him any good. Now I'm not saying I'm going to let him get away with screaming his head off in the future. If I know he's perfectly fine and he's screaming like a crazy person anyway, well that's going to be spanked. But a very tired little guy needs sleep, not a spanking.
He's now resting and will be his wonderful loving little self again when he gets up. But if he starts misbehaving again, we'll have to talk about it. And he might get a spanking.
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