Two Missing Pieces

Every year on March 26th, I remember my father's passing.  It's not as hard today as it was 21 years ago.  He's been gone now a lot longer than he was here.  I know that it's going to be hard when 2.0 turns 11 because that was the age I was when my dad died.  Occasionally it's hard because I see my little guy do something that I really wish my dad was here to see.  The day 2.0 was born I missed my dad so much, more than I missed him on my wedding day.  I'm getting teary now thinking about it.  I think this year is just a little more emotional than last year and I'm not sure why.

I've explained a little bit to 2.0 that he has a peepaw in heaven that he'll meet when he goes to see Jesus.  I've told him that his missing peepaw would love him very much and didn't want to watch him grow up from heaven.  I hug my father in law a little tighter because he's the only grandpa 2.0 has that shares the same bloodline.  Every now and then I catch myself thinking that it's just not fair.  I quickly remind myself that life isn't fair and thank God we don't get what we deserve.  

Today I'm thinking about the other missing piece of the puzzle of my life.  Since my dad died when I was young, I had a wonderful man step in to fill that void as much as he could.  Grandpa went home in 2006 and I feel his absence almost more than my father's.  Grandpa was the one who walked me down the aisle.  He stood in for my dad for every important moment in my life.  Cancer sent him home before he met my son, but I know he smiles down on us from heaven.

2.0 was looking at a book on tractors and the farm yesterday and I just burst into tears because I remember riding in the tractor with my grandpa as he showed me his farm.  I was a little bigger than 2.0 is now and I remember thinking that my grandpa had to own the entire world because he had so much land.  I remember helping care for a litter of baby pigs and riding out with Grandpa to pick up fish for his pond.  I'm so very sad that 2.0 won't have those memories.

There will be so many other things that 2.0 gets to do with the men in his life.  His grandpas and great grandpa are wonderful men.  He has godfathers and so many uncles who can give him memories of learning to shoot and learning to fish.  For those men I'm thankful and while I miss the ones who are missing, 2.0 will be all the better for the ones who are here.