I haven't been feeling well for about a week now. I've been really tired, sick to my stomach, and having headaches and heartburn off and on. I've been irritable and a little short tempered with my husband and son. I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm simply passing some information along that may help you, as the reader, understand some of the peripherals.
I took 2.0 to the library today because we needed to get out of the house for a little bit. Last week his allergies made his life unpleasant and had to stay inside pretty much all the time. I think he was going a little stir crazy and I thought the fresh air would energize me a little bit.
The branch of the library that we go to just put in a table with duplos in the children's section and 2.0 loves those duplos. He throws a horrible fit when it's time to leave and I was hoping that today would be an exception. Sadly it wasn't. He threw himself down on the floor when I tried to get him to leave with me and hit his head on the edge of the table on his way down. I had to scoop him up and walk patiently to the bathroom while he screamed his head off.
Once in the bathroom I was able to calm him down, but when I wouldn't let him walk out of the bathroom on his own, the crying and screaming started again. I let him cry it out for a moment and went to leave the bathroom.
He started wailing and screaming again, which necessitated my hasty checkout and brisk pace to the van in the parking lot. I've never had him react this way in public. Normally once he calms down, the fit is over. Today he kept screaming in the car as I strapped him into the car seat and halfway home. I told him that once we got home he was getting a spanking and going into time out because his behavior was inappropriate and he knew better.
I carried him inside and we went directly to his bedroom, where I sat him down on his changing table and started taking off his shoes. Immediately, 2.0 started saying "I sorry Mommy. I sorry threw fit library Mommy."
Once I got his shoes off, I leaned down and looked him in the eye. "What else are you sorry for Nathan?"
"I sorry for scream Mommy. I sorry for fit Mommy."
"Will you do it again?"
He looked at me and in all seriousness said "Yes. Probably."
He was so cute and sincere that I almost didn't spank him. Almost.
He threw another fit later in the evening and once I picked him up, started apologizing immediately. When he started climbing on me like I'm some sort of human jungle gym, I lost my cool and yelled at him to stop. I hate raising my voice if I don't have to and I saw his poor little face fall because he hadn't done anything wrong. Now it was time for me to be a good example.
I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom again. He started crying on the way there; probably because he thought he was in trouble. I sat in his rocking chair and cuddled him close. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. You weren't doing anything wrong and I lost my temper. I'm sorry that I lost my temper Nathan. Can you forgive Mommy?"
Wouldn't you know that my sweet little boy looked at me, smiled, and said "yes".
I'm not proud of my behavior. I didn't act like an adult, let alone a caring loving mother. I still felt it was important to show 2.0 that when Mommy doesn't act right, Mommy apologizes. Then he knows it's not just something he has to do to get out of being disciplined. He knows that mommies have to apologize too.
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