Adjustments

Since Nate's cornea transplant, there's been a lot of shifting around here.  Some of it has been good and some of it not so good.

When this surgery was scheduled, we all knew that it meant there were some short term inconveniences that would lead to long term gain.  Pain is momentary, but good vision is forever.  It's one thing when it's all in your mind and abstract, sometime way off in the future.  It's entirely different when it actually comes to pass.

Nate can't lift over 25 pounds, which means he can't pick up our son.  With his sensitivity to light and sound right now, he can't stand listening to 2.0 screeching and jabbering either.  So what happens when you add a cranky toddler and a cranky daddy together with a mom who can't quite referee the situation quick enough?  You get Daddy yelling at the toddler to 'knock it off!', the toddler starting to cry (loudly) because Daddy just yelled at him and Daddy has never yelled at him before.  You get Daddy yelling at Mom to get the child out of the room, Mom yelling back that she only has two hands and can only do so many things at once (Mom was getting pain medication and water for Daddy when this event occurred), Mom taking the toddler out into the living room after handing the pain medicine and water to Daddy, and shutting the door while thinking that this was not what she signed up for with the aftermath of this surgery.

It doesn't help that I'm tired from all the emotional upheaval and haven't been sleeping well.  We're all just tired and cranky and wondering why this isn't turning out like we were told it would.  I knew Nate was going to have a hard time of things because he doesn't handle pain well (does anyone really handle eye pain well?) and he's going to want to curl up in a ball in a dark room and forget that anyone else exists.  I knew he was going to resist me when I told him to open his eyes and use them so they get used to the light in the house.  I knew he was going to whine and moan in bed like he's dying (the man doesn't handle illness very well either).  I just didn't expect this cranky person who's barking orders at me and demanding I take care of him quickly and before anyone else.

It's like having two toddlers and one of them is too big for me to pick up and carry around to make him feel better.

My marriage vows included 'in sickness and in health' and 'for better or worse'.  Right now, Nate is being worse.  But this all was to be expected and this too shall pass.  The long term gain is worth this and a lot more.  I also try to remember when I had just given birth to our little boy, when I wasn't the best person in the world to be around.  Nate was there for me then and I'm here for him now.

I just need some time away from this whole thing for a little bit I think.  That's what the library is for.